Cedars and Fawns

Psalm 29:5

The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars; the Lord breaks the cedars of Lebanon.

Ahh trees. I love trees and thickets and windbreaks and woods and bottle-necks of woods.

Tall glorious growths that breathe our air backwards in benevolence and exhale that we might fill our lungs. Quietly sociable rustling creatures in the breeze, waving creaking monsters during storms, and pleasant, shady statues during the summer days.

Trust in a tree’s strength is true-placed. As a child, I never doubted a tree. Surely the branches that barked my shins and scratched my palms with their rough, delicate skin could withstand the light stand of a girl. Surely limbs that waved themselves only slightly in the wildest of winter winds could bear the weight of a wanderer.

Yet cedars. Cedars have thick boles and branches that shade each other and reach out under each other like people spreading their hands palm-up to reach the sun. The cedars slant and thicken around their middles and squat to stretch further.

I think of the boles of the redwoods, for the branches I scarcely saw. I recall thick trunks with knobby supports that dived underground to become roots. I remember backing up and staring in fascination at the lens of my camera because I could not see the edge of the tree in it. I remember looking up at the smooth, ancient grooves in their reddish bark and watching them stretch like lightning bolts up the sides of the trees to where the lower branches were – high above the rest of the forest. The tops of these trees? I never saw them.

The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars; the Lord breaks the cedars of Lebanon.

Cedars – redwoods – indisputable signs of strength, and yet the strength of a shout from heaven snaps them over.

These trees are majestic like natural pillars to the entrance of a king’s remote palace, perhaps the palace of heaven. But when the king cries Welcome! even the supporting pillars wilt.

These trees grow in beauty and glory season by season, and extend themselves in their assigned shapes with graceful stretch and silhouette. Yet when their maker’s beauty beacons from afar, even their full glory is disfigured next to this radiant embodiment of beauty unborn.

Yet some in this torrential rain of glory hear only terror. In pain and anguish they decipher not soft syllables but slavery. The powerful voice is the voice they have come to fear and revile, for the only powerful voice they know is a voice that beats them the while.

And over these, I pray the Psalm 29:9, for The Lord makes the deer give birth.

He is over the long-lived glory of the cedars, and the miraculous coming forth of the fawns. Just as his voice causes cedars to crumble, so his gentleness cradles new life. His glory triumphs over that of the earth, so his tenderness tends the weak.

And so our God is a God of glory and thunder and babies, a God of declaring beauty and a God of delicate birth.

A God of the strength of cedars, and a God of the fragility of fawns.

Remember This, Israel.

Isaiah 44:21-22

“Remember these things, O Jacob, and Israel, for you are my servant;

I formed you;

you are my servant;

O Israel, you will not be forgotten by me.

I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud, and your sins like mist.

Return to me, for I have redeemed you.”

Do you see these things, child? I made you. Your form was made precious and beautiful by my hands, and because I love you. You are my servant. You are here to work in my vineyard, and to bring others home with you at the end of the day. O Israel, lovely, you will never be forgotten no matter how many people lose track of you. I will always remember you. Your life and faith are always on my mind. Your sins have been hidden as surely as a billowing white cloud hides the blue sky in summertime. When you feel blinded on a misty morning, remember that I am that blind to your sins. And when you get lost in that mist, return your soul to me, because I have purchased you from wandering and all that follows lostness.

It’s the simplest of lessons. I formed you. You are my servant. You will not be forgotten by me. I blotted out your transgressions. Return. I have redeemed you. The words are short and simple! It takes seconds to read through them and continue on to the next verses. The truths, though. Can such beautiful truth be so simple? It’s practically a complete compilation of answers to those questions life smears tauntingly in our faces

Where in this universe DID we come from?

I formed you.

Why does that matter?

You are my servant.

Who cares about that? Nobody pays attention to your servants.

I will never stop paying attention to you.

Well we messed it up. Sorry. No can do.

I am as blind to your forgiven sin as you are to the sun at night.

Oh…

Return! I have redeemed you. Come back.

And that return is the most glorious return of all.

“Sing, O heavens, for the LORD has done it;

Shout, O depths of the earth;

Break forth into singing, O mountains,

O forest, an every tree in it!

For the Lord has redeemed Jacob

and will be glorified in Israel.”

Freedom Run: Fighting Darkness One Step at a Time.

Yet another day of school. I promised myself I'd study in five minutes. First, facebook. JUST five minutes.

M had posted something that had a big red X logo. I scanned it for anything interesting. "We're in to end it" the post said. End what? *Scroll* Ahh. Human trafficking. Good cause, I thought. Good cause indeed. *Scroll*

S had posted something that had a big red X logo. I did a double take. The same post! I'm  proud of you, S. I nodded silently to myself. Perhaps I should re-post this. It's a good cause. It'd be good to raise awareness about human trafficking.

I moved the mouse over to the "share" button.

NO.

What?

NO. This isn't what you were trained to do. This is not how your parents, your youth leader and your time at Summit Ministries trained you to think.

Oh, ok. What, then?

Check it out.

I shifted the mouse just in time and clicked on the link.

The website was mostly black and red, with the big X logo etched in flashy places. I scrolled through, taking it in. Statistics barreled at me. And estimated 27 million people are enslaved worldwide. Over 100,000 thousand people are enslaved in AMERICA alone. Two children are sold every minute. 

Every MINUTE? The bloody logo stared at me, daring me to believe these outrageous facts.

I can't just ignore this.

I looked at the top of the page and found the "Action" tab. There must be something I could do, some way I could support this movement besides re-posting it onto my social media network. A list of fundraiser ideas came up. Host a bake sale, have a car wash, do a dodge ball tournament, on and on. My hometown does dozens of these a year. They looked way to ordinary. HOST A MARATHON. I jumped. The words flashed at me. I laughed. I don't run! And I'm supposed to host a marathon? That's comical, really.

School tickled my brain and I closed the tab. Homework doesn't wait well.

But I couldn't get the idea out of my mind. I tried not to think about it as an obligation, but in the back of my brain I boiled down the marathon to a more workable portion: a 5k run. A day passed, then a few days, and a week. I couldn't forget about the horrible things I'd read about girls deceived into sex trafficking, and children who didn't recognize pimps until it was too late.

I presented the idea of a 5k to raise awareness about human trafficking - especially sex trafficking - to my college Bible study and my youth leader. They fanned the idea into a plan and volunteered to help see it carried out.

We are hosting a Freedom Run.

Together we have organized a 5k run/walk for June 22nd. Check in begins at 7 AM and the race begins at 8 AM. There is a kids run starting at 9 AM and a silent auction during the races. Strollers are welcome! No skateboards, bikes, wheely-shoes, etc.

Register early for the run to ensure a t-shirt! The deadline for early registration is June 8th. Registration info and the registration form can be found at www.stayclassy.org/1corinth926. Registration after the deadline costs $35. The kids run is only $5 but I still need a registration for each entrant.

There is even a place for people to volunteer NOT to run! We'll need some to point the way for the runners, some to keep track of timing to determine first place winners, some to manage check in, somebody to help with water tables, etc. There will be plenty of work for people who would love to help in a way that doesn't involve a lot of sweat.

If you have questions about donations, donating items for the silent auction, sponsoring our race, registration or volunteering, please contact me! My email is gianna.freedomrun@gmail.com.

Thank you so much for your support and prayers.

May God bless our humble event and use each dollar for precious people caught in trafficking and for his glory.

Amen.

Vessel

I do not understand the living water.

I cannot comprehend what lot I play.

I struggle, stagnant, sorry day by day,

And meekly pray my life might please my Father.

I know my soul’s seen ransom: I’m his daughter.

Yet my influence is but molded clay.

His light must sparkle, dance inside each day,

Instead it stales; and dies; this living water.

Live not upright, instead I must pour out!

The living water thrives when it is spilled.

His life, his light I’m giv’n to write about –

I write: my tarnish is restored to gild.

In silence naught but usefulness goes out.

In pouring – suddenly room to be filled.

2013: Make it Meaningful

The new calendar hands me a snazzy empty grid to fill with life. Is it opportunity, or is it intimidating? 

I begin to plan for the new year; I pick out meaningful things from the endless list of opportunities and drop them onto that handy sectioned cardstock. But the word meaningful catches me. Meaningful. It’s used so often to describe the old year that I feel it’s a mandate: Find thou something meaningful in this year!

I can’t.

I’m not going to look back and point to 2012 and tell you that my character took great strides, and that I 

gained a sense of direction.

It wasn't like that.

My definition of meaningful changed.

In June I went to New York City with my choir. I would describe it to you in the varying hues of the markets we visited, or the audiences we sang for, or the places we ate. But all that comes to mind is “We had so much fun!” It was a pleasurable and empty trip. We went. We sang. We came home.

In September I went to Colorado with Katie. I won’t try to describe it to you. I can only try to clarify the meaning it taught me.

There was fellowship. There is a fellowship in a choir, just as there is a fellowship in God. But a choir needs a purpose. God is purpose. And to fellowship in Christ then, is meaningful as nothing else can be.

Things came of this fellowship. Study. We came together every morning, afternoon and evening for lectures. We studied the solidness of the truths of God. Desire to study. We took notes, bought books, took time to meditate and pray about what we learned. Close fellowship. We were divided into small groups to pray for, lean on and support each other. Joy. Maybe we just looked like another group of volleyball players at the park, but our smiles didn't end with our physical exertion. We served joyfully – taking plates after meals or helping Mat with his sprained ankle. We took joy in learning, in praising, in prayer, in fellowship and in sleep. More fellowship. We now worship together by posting verses on Facebook. We study by posting and responding to articles and listening to the wise voices of our new friends.  

In June I came back from New York with the choir exhausted, ready to sleep.

In September I came back from back from Colorado with Katie; Katie-bug; My Katie, exhausted and eager to fellowship.

That gridded wall hanging beckons me again. I smile.

Opportunity.

For Meaning. 

Thanksgiving

It’s Thanksgiving. Not Easter. Yes, I’m grateful for over-stuffed turkeys and aromatic pies, time with my family, laughs shared with friends, and another blessed year. Yes, I’m rejoicing that I live a life of plenty, that God has blessed us with a bounteous abode, abundant land, and canine adorers. My stereotypical little life is a thing I have great thanks for. But that which my heart sings the loudest for, that for which I can find no words but I must express, is my gratitude for the spiritual blessing that begat all spiritual blessings. I thank God for Christ.

I praise God for his peace in my confusion, his joy when I’m discouraged, and his love when I want to be angry; I praise God for his death for my life.

Lately I have been studying the book of Esther. I’ve read it before, and it’s a good story. Esther becomes queen in time to save her people from annihilation. But the question has been hounding me: why is this story in the Bible?  And in the few nights I prayed for revelation and truly studied, the Holy Spirit whispered. I could suddenly see the fantastic way this story pictures in a human romance God’s heart and mind.

Esther was not perfect, as a lamb must be. But she was submissive to her cousin-turned-father, and showed honor to the husband she was not allowed to choose. She invited Haman to feast with her, and endured the realness of evil without Mordecai’s protective presence. Xerxes in turn renounced his closest counselor and trusted friend for the love of his endangered bride. The Jews were empowered and overcame their assailants on that fateful day ever after entitled Purim, a day of salvation.

The parallels astounded me. Each element seemed to point to Christ’s perfect offering, with a human spin. Esther released her life without dying. Xerxes granted life to the nation he first sold into destruction, all with eyes for one woman and ears for whomever spoke.

The record of this small segment in time is a breath-taking panorama of heavenly design. It emphasized God’s zealous protection of his chosen in the past. Even Zeresh realized that “’If Mordecai, before whom you have begun to fall, is of the Jewish people, you will not overcome him but will surely fall before him.’” Medes and Persians understood God’s reputation. Yet this epic, like a glass of water, also magnified Christ’s coming story. Ever so clearly, this type of Christ fit together piece by piece and pictured salvation.

Esther was afraid to offer herself, and prayed for three days. Christ wept and endured agony at the thought of his suffering. Xerxes killed his advisor rather than lose his wife. God turned away from Christ to win us.

It is for all this I feel gratitude this Thanksgiving. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing…even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him…to the praise of his glorious grace with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.” Ephesians 1:3,4 and 6.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Praise him all creatures here below.

Praise him above ye heavenly hosts.

Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

 

Amen.

Revitalizing Leadership: Live to change lives.

My generation needs to see believers living out Biblical faith. In Titus 2:7 it says “…in all respects be a model of good works, in your teaching show integrity, dignity and sound speech…” In today’s world many people say one thing and do another. They live a double standard. Transformational leadership starts with believers leading as a way of life. This necessitates involvement in scriptures, family, church, work and government.

Believers need to be rooted in the word. There is great poverty of biblical knowledge among believers today. We delve into commentaries and short studies about the Bible, grateful for man’s perspiration, but we are malnourished of God’s inspiration. For us to lead, we need to be in the word and know the word.

Our most important sphere of leadership needs to be our family. The Bible states in 1^st Timothy 3: 4-5 that if we can’t lead our own family we can’t lead in church. I believe familial leadership encompasses loving, valuing and respecting our spouse and modeling love and integrity to our kids.

Leadership at church is multifaceted. Plug into a small group, triad or other Bible study. Participating in a group in which we lead others and are led as we study scripture is necessary to our growth. Be held accountable. Be involved in service; find your area of excellence and be a leader. Lead AWANA games, a Bible study, worship etc.

Work; no matter how big or small the corporation, even the Christian intern can lead! Be the best employee that you can. Show up on time, work hard, be a person of integrity. This will give you a platform with which to bring up Christ.

Christians need to lead in government. One of the biggest ways is staying informed of what different candidates and elected officials believe. Take the time to vote and encourage others to vote. If you feel called to run for an office, pray about it, then jump in and be courageous.

My generation needs to be believers who are purposeful in living out their faith. Individuals don’t turn away from Christianity because they have tried it and it doesn’t work. They turn away because they see hypocrisy in people who claim to be believers but don’t live by the book.

Love Story

I have a gift for you.

It was like gravel, dumped before her on an ebony backdrop. But diamonds made magnificent gravel.

Do you like it?

The largest gemstones caught her eyes first, crudely boasting in their irresistible purity. Each one swelled under her awestruck scrutiny, stretching out its glorious rays without letting an ounce of power escape from its diamond-hard core.

The smaller stones melded themselves into patterns and constellations, bending their iron-points of light to bring her eyes pleasure. Each pin-tip throbbed with white fire, lending life to the mental pictures that impressed themselves but momentarily over the living star-points. Then.

Look at this side too. On the edge.

Scattered in the folds and corners, the lesser star-gems made themselves brilliant, like glistening dew-drops on the points of a web, gloriously and humbly avoiding the center of the arrangement.

There’s still more.

Her eyes probed the center of the amassed diamonds again, searching for anything that might signal the end of these depths of stars. Only the beautified points of light stared back at her. Their thickness hazed the night-shades of their resting place in a deep and wide band across that velvet contrast and only the few stars resting on the backs of the others twinkled enticingly.

It’s all for you.

She strained her eyes, trying to capture all the beauty in the eroding permanence of memory.

I love you.

Me?

Yes.

I … love stars.

I know.

Do you love me?

I … yes.

The stars are yours. But there’s more.

There’s Me.

I am yours.

I haven't Got a Prayer

There were a few times this week when I came questioning before the throne of God.

Each time, I was kneeling after an enjoyable day. I had received blessings in the weather, in my company, through my family and friends, through my time and blessings in the form of opportunity;  I had nothing to pray for.

I didn't understand.

Every night I ask God for something. More of his character manifested in my life. A second chance to not yell at my brother. One day to be cooler than the rest. It is typical for me to find something that has gone wrong and pray God to put his blessing over it. I try to cover it with prayer at the end of the day for the next morning.

But those days, I came up empty. It seemed as if all those days had already been perfectly blessed. I had to wonder what I was supposed to improve upon. It was insanity to me that God would give me a day without poking my character in another direction (or again, in the same direction.)

So the first day I just thanked him.

The second day I started praising! I remembered David and turned hastily to Psalms, hoping his prescribed words would suit the helium-like joy that insisted on rising beyond me.

More perfect days followed. Sunburn, slivers, swallowing half the lake while skiing and sticking to inside of my sleeping bag ruined each evening, morning and afternoon. And I couldn't get anything out of myself but more Psalms!

Today I still can't think of anything to pray for. I am so grateful to God for the moments our church spent together worshipping and learning. I thank him for time this afternoon to work on projects and to blog. I am still excited by eating supper outside and throwing a hotdog bun over the edge of the porch to my dog. I look forward to the evening.

I see now that God is poking my character. Towards praise. Is that not a glorious thing? We were created to praise and worship! Shouldn't it be a repetitive part of our twenty-four hour lives?

And what a lovely and perfect repetition!

Psalm 21:1-5
"O Lord, in your strengh the kind rejoices,
and in your salvation how greatly he exults!
You have given him his heart's desire
and have not witheld the request of his lips.
For you met him with rich blessings;
you set a crown of fine gold upon his head.
He asked life of you; you gave it to him,
length of days forever and ever.
His glory is great through your salvation;
splendor and majesty you bestow on him.
For you make him most blessed forever,
you make him glad with the joy of your presence."

The Unsung Anthem

O say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,

what so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?

Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thro' the perilous fight,

O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?

And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,

Gave proof thro' the night that our flag was still there.

O say, does that Star-spangled Banner still wave

O're the land of the free and the home of the brave?

We correctly remove our hats and place our right hands over our hearts. We look at our flag and remember the freedoms that those colors symbolize.

Then twenty-five percent of the way through this tribute, we place each cap back on its head and walk away.

How many have heard these words sung at sporting events, at a funeral, or in church?

On the shore dimly seen, thro' the mists of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected, now shines in the stream;

'Tis the Star-Spangled Banner, Oh long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

For the sake of each fallen soldier from 1776 until now, follow the story of the song. 

In 1814, Francis Scott Key boarded a British ship to negotiate the release of his friend, the Dr. William Beanes. He was forced to wait on the ship and watch the British attack Fort McHenry through the night. Through the first verse, Key has wondered, desperately, whether that flag still waves. Now his breath catches and he stiffens slightly - defiantly. There on the shore, scarcely discernable in the predawn gloom, crowded as it is with the smoky atmosphere of bloodshed, there were glimpses of red, white and blue.

But it wasn't morning yet.

And then innocent, beautiful light twisted the dark horizon into a rainbow. The flag stood.

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has wash'd out their foul footstep's pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave,
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Key gives us the foundation suitably placed at the end. A country defended itself before his eyes. He lived and breathed the struggle of keeping America free. And he must forcibly remind us of the Help that aided each one in that struggle.

Oh, thus be it ever when free men shall stand
Between their loved homes and the war's desolation!
Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserved us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto, "In God is our trust"
And the Star-Spangled Banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

God bless America.

Run(-)On Praise

When I sat down at my desk, I just wanted to see how long I could make a sentence. Like a challenge. This is where it led me.

It’s not a normal day but I treat it like any other and lie there and watch the effects of the sunrise on my eyelids and listen to my family doing morning things; they’re nice morning things, like getting ready for Easter and feeding our dogs and going in to church early to help the kitchen crew get ready for the fundraiser breakfast which is between the ambitious-bird service and the head-screwed-on-straight service, which are identical, and I take up the wish I wished the night before that our family would screw their heads on straight but no, enough of us are ambitious that my vote doesn’t count, and “besides, the family is coming for lunch, and they’ll be here before we’d get home from the late service,” and so my vote really doesn’t count, and I decide that I probably never had a vote to cast anyway, so I put my wishing aside and go back to telling myself to get up and telling myself I’ll get up in just a few minutes, but I’m so comfortable right now, I can’t and so it will be ok if I get up in a minute – it is, but those minutes must have counted against me, because now we have to “really hurry” to get the dressing ready for the family who are coming and I don’t have much time to do any make-up or anything, but then I do it anyway, as fast as I can because if I’m going to be late to church, I at least want to look good, and it makes very little difference in minutes because I move quickly; and there is my brother telling us all we’ll be late, and then that we are late, and then that he can’t wait to live on his own because we’re always late and he never would be except for us, and he doesn’t ever seem to stop, so for the longest time on the way to our Easter morning service, it is so hard to think of the peace and the joy that are just waiting to be taken up and taken advantage of, and then we walk in and I didn’t see any heads turn, and then my heart turns and everything stops, because nothing matters except what we are singing about, and the glorious way God has loved us and chosen us and suffered for us, and purchased us, and given us to Christ, that – unless my heart were deaf – I cannot avoid falling on my heart’s knees and raising my hands and shouting that my God is alive and he loves me, and he is reigning so everything will be ok! and I just want to look at his face and know, and then I do know, and I want to keep looking in his face; and after church each moment seems holy and beautiful, as if I can do no wrong, and we all file slowly and talking into a huge herd pretending to be in line and talk our way through heaven-sent sausage and French toast and sanctifying syrup gluing your silverware to your fingers and your fingers to each other, and your hair to your forehead, and for breakfast the pastor has included grace in his benediction so the only words spoken are conversations about what they did last night and how that worked out, and how much she got done, and what was he working on again? and did it turn out and is it worth trying for myself? and then I call Happy Easter and suddenly the sun and the wind and the blue sky and the green grass are infinitely more beautiful than they were  when I walked from my house to my car before church and I know the afternoon ahead is going to be wonderful, even though something inside me knows it’s not and I can’t really pretend it will be much longer, so when we come home I am less happy, and I do not try to cheer up but I do wish I could be the same person all of the time and how much nicer I would be if that were the case, because if I just got stuck being the right person of the many who are inside of me, I know I could be perfect – but the perfect one is Christ Jesus, and he is not the only one living in me, because I am like every other human on this planet in one way, and that is that I’m human, and it means that even though Christ has the victory over sin, my sin still fights to often, so even though I side with Christ as much as I … can? I lose so often and then I know I’ve failed and I go on failing because failing has made me moody and I think that winning is impossible, even though I’m failing with the very people who gathered to celebrate that Christ won, so there is no more failure, and I become meditative and unhappy in my meditation, so I write it so that I can understand it, and when I write it I find that I can’t understand it so I give up and make an excuse for writing, and say that I was just trying writing to see how much I can cram into one sentence, and it turns out that a lot fits, even if not a lot should, and I wonder where my writing has taken me, and I find that I’m happy again; writing has taken me to a place where I feel the joy of creation and the satisfaction of having achieved something I’ve never done before – perhaps even that I’ve done it well for it being a first time around – and I decide to contemplate, but this time I’m contemplating cheerily and it takes me back to praise; praise for that glorious morning when Christ stopped the people’s contemplating his death and did something about it…basically reverse it so that they’d have something new to contemplate – the indescribable glory of the God who raised him, and unfathomable love which inspired the planning of this action before the planning of the people that necessitated this action, and the inescapable beauty that surrounds this entire day and it’s glorious celebration.

 (I tried reading this out loud. Now each short sentence feels like a needed revival. Gives me time to breathe.)

Oh Happy Day!

It's amazing how theology happens to you sometimes.

I've been to rock concerts before. You buy a ticket, find your seat (sometimes - usually you don't) and spend the rest of the evening plugging your ears and jumping up and down. I've been to worship concerts too. You stand there feeling like you should raise your hands and look dedicated, but you think everyone's looking at you (they aren't) so you don’t.

This was a worship rock concert. I was confused. We bought tickets and found our seats. We performed the whole pre-concert crowd roar; people were leaning over railings, standing in their rows, running out to the bathroom and back, finding tee-shirts, or sitting in their seats – and everyone was talking to someone. We all knew the drill and played out the same scenario that’s happened at every concert I’ve been to. It was when the music started that I was confused.

All the worship I’ve been too has had a toned down beat and gentle lyrics. This worship concert was different. The drums and the lead guitar didn’t sound nice anymore, they sounded wild. Party wild. Kinda took my breath away. But after all, they’re the opening band. Guess that’s what you’d expect. I shrugged and smiled, moving a little to the beat. And then the lead band came out.

Music ripped through the air and battered our willing ear drums. Vibrations shoved themselves up through the cement floor and rattled my feet, like laughter. Lights flashed on their rotary stands, stabbing into my eyes for a millisecond before beaming at the next eager face.

Thoughts tumbled slowly and thickly through my mind.

The idea of worship left me and I began to just sing. There was no hope of hearing my own voice above the roar, but I opened my mouth and joined with hundreds of others to let the band know that we were singing too, however unnoticeably.

The pointlessness of trying to make noise turned my mind back to the words I was singing. “Sing, sing sing, and make music to the heavens! I will sing, sing, sing, Grateful that you hear us. As we shout your praise, lift high the name, Of Jesus!” I began to feel them. I stopped trying to sing well and sang to God. I lifted my face and closed my eyes. “Grateful that you hear us…” Almost without my consent, my arms lifted and I reached for the God I was singing to. I was no longer thinking about who was watching, because God was watching, and taking pleasure.

Finally the rumbling beneath my feet and the drum beat rattled me back to the auditorium. I began jumping with the rest of the crowd. And I wondered where the worship had gone. Here we are, having a celebration, I thought with something bordering on fear, but this is a worship concert! What were we doing wrong?

Nothing. We’re not doing anything wrong! We’re celebrating GOD! Call it a thunderbolt moment if you will, but I think that’s an understatement. I found myself unable to stop bouncing and singing and reaching up. I had so much praise inside, and it kept coming out in action and song.

Realizations demand thinking time, which there was not a lot of during a rock and worship concert. I simply discovered that God enjoys a celebration. And that it doesn’t take a degree in theology to discover something like that.

It was a second incident that completed my lesson. I took up my usual evening stance – sitting cross legged on the bed with my Bible and journal in my lap, enjoying the silence of my family asleep. Tomorrow was Bible Study with a few girls from youth group. My brain slapped me to point out that perhaps I should actually read the chapter we’ll be studying tomorrow.

John 2:2- “Jesus also was invited to the wedding with his disciples. When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” And Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does this have to do with me? My hour has not yet come.” His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” …Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water… and take [some] to the master of the feast.” So they took it. When the master of the feast tasted the water now become wine…” (Bold mine)

And I stopped. Jesus’ statement caught me. “My hour has not yet come.” Before this night, my question always remained: If Jesus’ hour to do miracles had not come, why did he do a miracle? An answer dropped into my head. “To let the party continue.”

What?!  “Yes. To let the party continue.” I shook my head and read further, waiting for a testimony of somebody’s life changed, a soul given new life through this incident. There was none.

And gradually, the concept merged with my experience. God enjoys celebrating.

My first, fleeting thought was Could it be? And then I wondered, more accurately, Would I want it any other way?

It’s a bigger lesson in theology than I’ve had in a while. And I’m still celebrating it.

D2

If you have changed a life, can your life stay the same?

I have to wonder how I've changed. I didn't see it happen. But I think it must have, somewhere.

I don't know when I first learned about disciple making. It probably happened to me before I really knew what it was. Mom lead a Bible study for me and my sisters. We attended. That was that. Then Dad led a Bible Study every Wednesday night for men at the church. Then both my parents told me I should lead one. I gulped. And I turned them down.

Two years later, I must have had a better idea of what Discipleship was. "Mom!? I think I could lead this Bible Study. Do you think so? Can we order the training kit?"

And two years after that, I actually got to learn about disciple making.

Left to Right - Me, Mariah, Tiffany. Tuesday Ladies, we call each other.  Should be more like girls, maybe. We're not old. We studied Discipleship as we practiced it. Mariah and I were discipled by Tiffany as we learned about discipleship. The three of us studied it. We learned that disciple making is a three-tiered work of faith. First we are discipled. We study scripture and strengthen our faith. It's easiest really. It's like going to school. True, you have to work for those moments of revelation, and there's homework, but at least you aren't the teacher.

And then suddenly, you are the teacher. D2. You're a disciple who makes disciples. Just like a graduate student who tutors, you realize the reason for homework. You've needed it all along. And the opportunity to teach usually comes just before you actually think you're ready for it. It must be healthy for us.

Last week marked D2 for me. I have been friends with Little Leah - as my mental faculties consistently label her - for over a year. I can't get her off my heart. I didn't think I loved her any more than any of the other little girls, but God pointed her out to me. When God points something out, you don't have much choice about whether you're gonna do it.

I met with her Wednesday. Tuesday, at 11 p.m. I wrote down a few questions for Leah. "Can you tell me what the Gospel means for you? What do you want to learn about and study in our times together? What do you think 1 Timothy 4:12 means?" I figured I had a pretty good grasp on an hours' worth of material, counting a few awkward pauses and some meditative time.

God: *Snort* Yeah, ok Gianna, if that's what tosses your confetti.

I did get to use one of my questions. "So Leah? Can you tell me exactly what the Gospel means in your own words?"

"Um...I don't think so. No, I'm not sure."

...

*Crickets*

...

"Well, ..." And I began with Romans 3:23. When I finished explaining the gospel, Leah just looked at me. I asked her if she wanted to accept Christ.

"Yes! I do!" So I prayed with her.

I don't think I really caught my breath until that evening. Wait, what?! I think I just...lead somebody to Christ! I couldn't believe what I'd done. I thought back and tried to realize it. Yes, she'd sat there and nodded her head. I'd prayed with her, holding her hands, listening to her talking to her new Savior.

I guess that's what listening feels like. God whispered, and I acted. I can't recall actually thinking about what I was doing. Chances are God was doing the thinking for me.

I want it to stay that way.

Broken Road

Hello everyone! My name’s Mariah Steenerson… I know, I know you were expecting a blog post by my talented friend Gianna. Sorry!

A few weeks ago I got a call from Gianna to do a guest post on her blog about something BIG that’s about to happen in my life. January 15, 2012 I will be leaving this small town of Minnesota for Townsville, Australia to do a program called Youth With A Mission (YWAM). I could give you a long complex definition of what this program is but I’ll keep it basic. YWAM is an opportunity for anyone (generally 18-25 years of age) at any place in the world to come together to be taught and teach the gospel everywhere and anywhere, to make disciples of all nations. The idea of a program such as this was originated by a man named Loren Cunningham while he was on a missions trip. It came as a vision of waves crashing onto the sand of beaches. Then, the waves turned into young people that not only were covering beaches but all the nations.

Fifty one years later and this small program that started out as just a vision is now located in 1,000 locations in over 180 countries! The waves of young people envisioned by Loren are completely evident today. I think of this and I am totally blown back at how amazing our God can work. No words can describe.

So what will a small town girl like me be doing in a big continent like Australia? For 3 months I will be going through a Discipleship Training School where I will learn more about who God is and who he made me to be. This is just like a regular school in many ways. I have a set schedule for each day of the week, tests and homework—you got it, and no sadly I don’t get to sleep in every day of the week. 

Then the next three months are filled with outreaches. Usually a YWAM Discipleship Training school will have one outreach to somewhere around the world, but my specific school will be doing two outreaches. The places I might be are: Thailand, Indonesia, East Timor, Papua New Guinea, Fiji, or New Zealand.

It sounds as though when I arrive in Townsville I will have two weeks to pray about the two places God wants me to be. If you would be willing to pray for me and this two week period of hard decision making that would be great! I don’t want to pick a certain place just because it would be a cool place to visit; I want to go wherever God wants me.

Along with these two main phases of my trip; I will be doing a two week camping trip in the outback, visiting Billabong, involved with different ministries in Australia, and hanging out with some cool Aussies.

From reading this you may think I’ve had my mind made up about this for awhile now, but truth is it’s only been a few months. This past year has been one long broken road. I could go on and on about how difficult it was, but the main point is I was broken and defeated and through it God made me stronger. He used every difficulty, every problem to get me where I am today and for that I am very thankful. 

Don’t be afraid to get broken. In fact, you should desire to be broken; desire to be so defeated that your only option is to surrender to the one true God, because it’s when we’re broken that we are closest to God and can be used most effectively by Him. Do not fear brokenness.

For those of you that are young and are still trying to figure out college and a major, I have some simple advice for you. Instead of crying your eyes out every night like I did. Trust in the almighty God! Jer. 29:11 says He has a plan for you. Sometimes we are called to wait and be patient, but take heart God has made many promises in His book, promises that should be taken as truth so much as to thank God for them even before they become evident in your life. None of those promises say I will lead you up to the time you graduate high school and then I will leave you to make all of the decisions. No. God will be there EVERY step of the way IF you give your life to Him.

Below are some verses that have helped me through this past year.

Thank you, Gianna for allowing me to have a guest post on your blog. I am thankful to have such an encouraging and loving friend! I thank God for you daily. Keep on glorifying God with your blog posts; he has definitely given you a gift. 

 

If you’d like to check out my blog go to 

http://heart-of-a-sojourner.blogspot.com

Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!

Blessed.

mariah

Introducing Mariah

I went on a trip once. I went with four others to a small town called Ponemah. I still remember the swirling mosaic of emotions that surrounded that trip. Fear. I was afraid of what I would find. Going into this, I had no idea of what the children we were working with would be like. There was no way of knowing who was helping us with the VBS or what they would be like. We had no clue how God was going to work in us and through us, and that thought was intimidating. Security. I was aware that I was going with an Almighty, all-loving Father at my side. Also, I went with the knowledge that our church was supporting our team in prayer every day that we were gone. I knew that I was a part of the body of Christ, and they weren't about to let me fall. 
Anticipation. I was eager to see what my amazing Father was going to do and how.

Now I'm home. Now it is my turn to watch as a special friend reaches out and experiences life "as a fingertip". She'll be living by the financial support of the church, and living by our prayer support. And I know that she is experiencing all of these emotions and more as she prepares to go.That is why my next blog post will be a guest post by Mariah. I've asked her to share the story of her heart with you as she prepares to go to Australia.

There is a special bond that grows when friends share faith in common. There is little more beautiful than to sit and listen to somebody close to you revealing how our Savior has been working in their heart and life. There is little more beautiful than when a friend becomes transparent and allows the precious light of Jesus to shine through each angle of their lives.

Mariah, you have given me a gift and I am grateful that I can support you by giving you a post on my blog.

Gratitude Challenge: Day 20

I am nearly wordless with gratitude right now. Today was vastly blessed.

*There were 49 pageviews. It may be vain to count them and to rejoice over them, but it's an all time high and I'm feeling celebratory!

*I got a complement. Somebody liked my humor. It is always so encouraging to receive a simple, spontaneous complement. Thank you, um...Complementer! You are appreciated.

*I saw my senior pictures! Gah! I have a wonderful photographer. She managed to make me look good, I think! Some of you commented on my photos - Thanks! My daddy was greatly encouraging and loving. These next sentences are exact quotes. "You sure look beautiful. But then, you always look beautiful." "You just can't take a bad picture." Daddy, I love you so, so much. It's not even funny. *Giggle* (I'll choke up about this later.)

*Seeing my precious 3-5th graders in AWANA. Those girls are wonderful. Eating ice-cream with them is about tops. Except, of course, seeing them learn about Christ and grasp His truth.

*Getting to go to a free, choir concert. It's coming up on Saturday. Been a while since I've been on the audience side of a choir concert. :D

*Mailing in my...second?...college application. Only three to go!

*Finishing a reading assignment and some writing requirements.

*Petting my dog.

*Making $33. Always a good feelin'.

*Having the courage to talk in youth group tonight. I asked our leader/coordinater if I could have a minute to challenge everyone to do the Operation Christmas Child boxes - she said yes - and I just spoke about how easy it was and how I wanted our youth group to step up and fill the boxes we had on hand.

Only one day left of my Gratitude Challenge. It's not too late to join, if you were wondering, friends. Don't be shy! Leave a comment if you can and share something you've been grateful for lately.

Sweet Surrender

I prayed today. I needed to. I am stuck in the throws of applying to colleges and it's beginning to rattle me a little. I don't know for sure where I want to go to school, how I'm going to pay for it, where I'm going to stay, what my major will be, or how I'm going to handle leaving home.

My biggest...for lack of a better word - issue...is all of it. In a nutshell, I am worried, because I want to love my major, I want as little debt as possible, I don't want to break my heart and leave all my friends, and I long to glorify God. This is what I prayed.

"God, thank you for my future. Thank you for the time I have now, and for the time I will have later. You have given me college life so that I may glorify you. God, you have given me a mind, finances, time, a life, so that I may glorify you. I thank you that you know my life, that you have a plan to use my life for your glory. God, let me give it all to you. It is only what you have given me first, but I want to give you my time, my money, my mind, and my life; let them serve your purpose.

Take all that I have and use it, Father."

It was such a relief to let go and let my Father remind me that he has it all under control. He has a plan for my life, all I need to do is trust him and follow his Spirit.

Can I get an amen?

Gratitude Challenge: Day 19

Today was good. Really good. I think I still have permafrost in my backside from the bleachers at the football game though. :-\

*Hearing about renowned "DNA" bobby pins. They are reputed to equal roughly 80 regular pins, which is wonderful given my thick hair.

*Eating chili with crackers for lunch. And enjoying my sister's company simultaneous.

*My sister will be in advanced skating with my other sister! She just got an email saying they think she's good enough to skip the last to basic levels and move up to advanced! Woot! Go Little Sister!

*Finishing several assignments.

*Playing Music Box Dancer - again and again and again.

*Trying to overcome writers block.

*Looking at other people's blogs.

*When really amazing gentlemen bring silly girls coats at football games because the silly girls were to silly to bring their own. (Erm...Ahem. Thank you Sir!)

*Knowing that somebody prays for you.

*Having quiet time to just talk to God.

Gratitude Challenge: Day Next.

A.K.A. I can't remember which day I'm on and I don't really feel like checking.

It's late, so ya'll just get the basics.

*Frolfing. (Is that how you spell it?)

*Getting some time with my wonderful Heavenly Father during church today.

*Eating chocolate ice cream.

*Squishing five teens (arrrgh, fine. 4 teens and one 20-year-old) into a tiny Chevvy Cavalier. It. Was. Squished. A little.

*Listening to Owl City while cleaning my room.

*Enjoying my room after cleaning and vacuuming all the flies out.

*Standing on the brick ring around a bonfire late at night with my friends.

*Eating (most of) the most ginormous burrito I've ever had in my life! I saved half of it for tomorrow.

*Looking at the stars.

*Seeing one of the proofs for my senior pics.

*Sleep.

G'night!

Gratitude Challenge: Day 11

Wow. I'm blessed. I just keep coming back to that. There are just so many little things.

*I got to wash my hair.

*My sister let me shower first.

*I get to play an amazing song for my senior recital. Prelude in G Minor by Rachmaninoff. In case you were wondering. You probably weren't. Now you know anyway.

*There are so many other people who are grateful for little things too! It's amazing!

*I have a dog, and she loves me as much as I love her. Just watch her follow me around and tell me otherwise.

*I have a test tomorrow. And you're thinking "Now she's gone off the deep end." Nope. That happened ages ago. Better swimming down here.

Actually, it's a chance for me to prove that I'm learning something - to myself and to my professor. And tests are kind of exciting things, don't you think? Probably not. *Sigh*

*I have six things to be grateful for. That's a lot. Cool.

*It is amazingly beautiful outside. I just can't get enough of fall! Every time I think about it I get that runny-cartwheely-jump-up-and-downy feeling an' I wanna go jump in a pile of leaves and play with me pooch and ride me horse and Ooooooooooh! Fall is just so amazing.

*Praying for people. There is something indescribable about going into the presence of a holy and loving God and saying "I'm not here for me. Please, please be with this friend/family member and bless them.Carry them close to your heart God, and carry their heart in your hands. Bind up their wounds. Be with them and give them the faith and the peace they need." I want those people to know that their cause is being petitioned at the foot of their heavenly Father's throne, and that the cause will not be dropped until an answer is received. And then to say, "Thank you, God, that you have answered me already."

*I don't have to get up at 5 tomorrow. (Others in my family do. Touche.)

*I got to go into the 5th and 6th grade AWANA T&T room tonight and help listen to verses during handbook time. I. Love. Those. Girls. About five of them gave me hugs right off the bat. They're all so energetic and wonderful! I can't wait for next Wednesday evening.

Gratefully yours,
Miz Fingers